Vocab lesson on "cold"

To say it is "cold" is a mistake. Cold is somewhere near 32 degrees. Ass-cold is something near 0. However, we're in the range of -18 at almost 9am. We're also under a windchill warning because those winds rushing upon us (as a light breeze) are between -40 to -45. So when I ammended the weather yesterday to say we were approaching the 9th Circle of Hell, I came close.

But, damn, the view is picture perfect! Imagine a clear morning sky with pink yellow light hitting the trees and casting blue shadows over the snow...

According to my thesaurus (Roget's International Thesaurus, 5th ed.), the listing for non-formal epithets for "cold":

cold as a welldigger's ass

cold as a witch's tit (or kiss)

cold enough to freeze the tail/balls off a brass monkey

cold as a bastard/bitch

colder than hell (or the deuce/devil)

These are common around here during the winter. I'm sure there are more colorful ones as well. However, the regular use of "cold" as an adjective produced little in the way of good description. They were usual, commonplace. I didn't like them (as I hear them daily on the news). A few: sharp, bitter, keen, frigid, icy, nasty, chilly, cutting. Sometimes I wonder if the English language is limiting or we are just too lazy to explain ourselves properly.

*****

God bless all the poor trash collectors who have to be out today as it is trash day for many in our neighborhood. All the schools in the area are closed today--buses don't run and they don't want kids outside waiting for buses or walking to school. Heck, even my dog won't go out. [I've been on the computer about an hour this morning and I haven't even seen one car drive past.]

I know the weather is terrible when I have to bundle myself up in the same manner my mother did when I was five. It almost makes me wish I had snowpants. However, I must make due with thermal leggings under my jeans and two pairs of mittens and scarves and two hoods (one a hoodie sweatshirt and one on my coat). Then the shivering commences as I step out to shovel half the driveway before I come in to have hot cocoa and warm up. But today, I say bugger the driveway. It can stay snowy and I'm going to sit inside in a blanket and be lazy.

Cold Colder Coldest

Ah, winter. Would that heaven could save us from it...

Time for the weather report. It's cold out folks. Bonecrushing cold.

The kind of cold which will wrench the spirit out of a young

man, or forge it into steel.

--Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

Northern Exposure, Lost and Found, 1992

It is 5 degrees this morning...at 6 am. We're supposed to settle at a balmy 4 degrees for the high today with a nice breeze at 10 to 20 below. This is only because we've got the lake effect snow dumping on us. How lucky are we that an enormous body of water keeps us sheltered from the bitter winters blowing in across the Dakotas. Everyone on the other side of Lake Michigan is bitterly cold. However, once the clouds clear this afternoon we'll hit -13 degrees under a lovely starry sky.

I'm on a two hour delay this morning--woohoo! Except that it won't matter much because the temperature is what kills you...not the snow. It's so fun to walk outside and have the breath sucked right out of your lungs!



Ammended Weather Forecast: Approaching the 9th circle of hell.

Ok, sun is just beginning to set. We have had a lovely sunny afternoon with blinding whiteness blaring from every direction. If you could stay inside, it was perfect. But instead of holding, temperatures have continued to drop all day. So, tonight at 6pm it is a sweltering -8 degrees with a light wind that freezes your nose hair the moment you step outside (roughly -30 degrees).

Now the weather stations are saying we could get close to a record -22 (before wind chill is factored in).